Reader Responses

November 4 2007 Palm Sunday Melinda Menning

Stuck. Hot. Going slow

Blessed be the candidates of Benelong.

Bondi pacific strip.

Hot-in-a steel box.

Transported

Rolling – Clutch unengaged.

Cyclone linkage fence and

glorious orange mesh marry.

Howard's Super Sunday melts the pitch

Stuck hot: Seared full-grown palms …

Transported into affluent shit-holes

Mid strip moves

Look-up to shit-pipe.

Binge on a horizon of optimism.

Avoid rear-ender.

Faster moving

Scratchy Radio National

Drought humour - "Men Underground"

Dig out Burn out

Woofed by oily doof-king.

Shit Hot Box

No sideways glances

My limp pinky is restrained

SOMEWHERE MAN Anonymous April 2007

Roll-up Roll-up, Roll-up.

Roll over Simulacra

Here comes Mr Unreality.

A Shining Light of clichés

In his finest coat _ a carnival of desires.

Roll-over paws limp

And he will tickle your delusions,

Rock your tummy with his glorious

stories of unreality and gall.

Intensely practical stories that:

Fill Full your unfulfilled...............

Specialising in malleable hopes

Strewn like objects abandoned in

The Wake of his Dislocations.

Tutelary twangs

A thin veiled simile smiles

What-matter-for?

A brittle hide of eminent crack and tirade.

(Drum Roll)

Roll-up, Roll-over, Roll-in, Roll-on........

And Roll Out

friday morning at work with 2 neanderthals Russell Barker Feb 2007

Ow ya gar ma?

Yeah, roit ma!

Garna pub t’noit ma?

Na ma, gar nome ma!

Gar nome?

Caarn ma....wotarya.....poofta or summint?

Nar ma....gotta gome fra moyle.

Jeez ma, get a moyle at the pub ma, caarn?

Na ma, woif’ll get the shits

Oroit ma, slater ma

Yeah roit ma,

Slater!

John Wayne unknown paranoid Jan 2007

I met a man in a Bronte cafe who worked for John Wayne,

but his stats were all wrong, yet he pretended to be sane.

Michael Marion was 6'4 not anywhere near 6'8, so

then all his other stories became tragically out of date.

About his NYC block of utopia he would often boast,

then invite me to drive his chevvy up a fictitious coast.

At first he seemed quite charming, innocent as well,

but soon the ears got weary of stories he would tell.

Ode to Christmas William Wordsworthless Christmas 2006

Ned's walking backwards for Christmas,

Doris has eyes, just for two,

And if you were one half of the other,

Tell me, where would it end, miss mcgoo??

The snowflakes are falling in colours,

And my sunburn turning quite green,

Ahhh its a wonderful time to have Christmas,

I do hope you know what I mean.

The Drinker Dom Cochran October 2006

Down at the pub holding his own with a schooner

full of worn out stories. He talks and pauses, laughs

and frowns, in a world of fictional glory.

Raising his drink but only speaking about the past

because not much happens now and his years

have all faded fast.

But he's the centre of attention in a tiny frothy pool,

a fish who drank his best years down, a macho,

rowdy fool.

Every bar has its wino's and every town has its

clowns, but watching him piss his life away, always

made the family frown.

Some locals pat him on the back, but way more

just shake their heads. I just pray he doesn't wind

up face down, in an alley, dead.

Knowing he could have made it, even been a champ

in his day, that's the one thing he could never drown

or slowly sip away.

He's a sucker for a bubbly dream hands clinging to

his glass, thirsty for the next round, wishing the pain

would pass.

It's closing time, his mates well gone, he sits hunched

on his own. A man peering into an empty glass, a

drinker all alone.

William Wordsworthless October 2006

" To be or not to be..........A Poet "

If you want to be a Poet,

Find lots of words that rhyme,

Then tell your story, verse by verse,

And squash all of the words you have left over in the very last line.

russell barker 20 september 2006

Russel sent me this email ...

"I just writ this pome for your site bro, it’s a modern/techi rendition on the old fave, “3 Blind Mice”.
Ahem….’scuse me….just clearing my throat."

He is, of course, totally mad

Three non-optical mice

Three non-optical mice

See how they run

See how they run

They all run after the farmer’s wife

She cut off their cords with a carving knife

Have you ever seen such a thing in your life

As three non-optical cordless mice.

melinda menning 14 september 2006

Butterfly Armour

Call into existence -

To perform: the very best suit

A few swift licks touch up the lamellicorn

One resilient bolshie wing

refuses to unfold a bounty of bombazine blue.

Bonhomie Bonhomie!

What protection borne this boon?

Would he still have the stamin a

once displayed for the rounds of (his) blooms?

Blu-Seas

Blue seas means missing green trees.

A nascent life-

and seaweed won't suffice.

Acrid blue waves on: salt laden.

Ceaseless dumping-

rhythms of sea and salt.

Sea and salt

Sea and salt

Sweetly crystals cluster

Smell solidifies unconscious, lustre.

Blue seas means missing green trees.

A delicate return from a yearning absence.

dom cochran 12 september 2006

Anger Awakenings - Attaining Self Awareness through Anger

Are you feeling repressed, thwarted or blocked on any level, from the
basest physical realm right through to the subtlest spiritual realm ?
If so, then this is a course for you.
Do you experience or identify with any of the following:

* A belief that others project their insecurities or pain onto you

* Feelings that your career or personal pursuits are not progressing because
some moron is impeding your growth

* A desire to occasionally punch bus or cab drivers for no apparent
reason at all

* A cynical distaste for most new age modalities, particularly astrology,
tarot cards and psychic readings

* An inability to tolerate over %50 of the population after 6 or more
alcoholic drinks

* Paranoia that ruthless superficial people are taking over the world and
seem to pick up easier at bars or nightclubs

* People you know in spiritual circles procrastinate and pontificate
repetitiously using the word EGO way too much, rather than just f..cking
getting on with their lives

* An urge to head butt people who talk too much about themselves
and/or don't listen much.

* Occasional or frequent fantasies about participating in a revolution,
yelling out the word freedom and making furious love in times of
political or personal crisis

* Vague suspicions that most forms of media are exploitative and false

* Cringing at the sight or sound of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears

* A constant gripe about men or women being evil and hard to understand

* Deep rooted feelings that parents or friends don't love you

* Fantasies about owning a pink private jet, long phallic yacht, red
Ferrari, large ostentatious mansion, or a huge collection of shoes
and jewellery

If you answered YES to any of the above, chances are you are approaching
a PAT (Primal Anger Trigger) phase of your life, and are potentially a time bomb
of stored or unexpressed anger just waiting to explode.

Don't hold on or grip your hatred any longer. In a world filling with people who
have high PAT ratings and who may hit you for not giving way on a busy road,
it is better to air and vent your demons sooner in a nurturing environment.

Why continue coiling your fury until you detonate in a public or domestic space
where other repressed types may attack or ostracize you.

Unlike conventional psycho therapists or wishy washy healer types our
team of angry professionals can help you release the rage in a safe
but organically psychotic environment.

Why get a criminal record for biting and kicking an arrogant retail assistant
when it is both safer and cheaper to try our tried and true method of letting
Anger Glow. Unlike the term " letting anger go " , we do the opposite and whip
you up into a frenzy so that your face is glowing red with anger.

Contrary to popular belief this is proven to be good for circulation and
can temporarily brighten your complexion.

Having experienced anger for most of their lives our furiously fun counsellors
will take you for a brief consultation before tailoring a series of exercises
or activities to help you dispel, discharge and detox your mean streak.

Below is a brief explanation of some of our most proven techniques.

1) Ring of Redemption

In a full sized boxing ring you can role play some raw aggression.
Imagine KO'ing 1 or more of your life's most oppressive foe's with a
barrage of bitter blows. Dance around the ring, jabbing, hooking and
uppercutting with no holds barred. Our professional team member
will be fully padded and protected from any blow.

Depending on where you're at physically and what your issues are
our team members may talk trash and make taunts of a racial, religious,
sexual or personal nature, to empower the process and get you in
full swing.

2) Crazy Cocktail Party

A great setting for a dummy spit or outburst. Aesthetically and personally
rewarding for the self righteous protagonist. Have that argument you've
always dreamed of having. Yell, throw drinks in faces, break glasses
or bottles, throw some cheap furniture, even choreograph a fight scene
with our staffs assistance. Insult others to your hearts content acting out
a grandiose grudge in this ultimate social catharsis.

3) Primal Parking Lot

Car culture seems to be a part of modern life fuelled by impatience and
blame. Ever wanted to teach those home boys or that sports car driving
snob some manners. At our private driving school we have a medium sized
car park, roundabout, merging lanes and various intersections to simulate
and stimulate road rage. Despite the relief experienced after side swiping
an antagonists vehicle or breaking a windscreen with a baseball bat,
this method can be hugely expensive and we can't ensure participants
safety.

4) Interview Room

The perfect role reversal. You be the one firing and hiring, asking all the
questions and making unreasonable demands. Play the power game,
exploit a co worker, sexually harass a superior and generally behave like
a crass corporate dog. Make obscene phone calls, loose the plot at
a meeting or simply kick the shit out of a cheap photo copier.

5) Sexual Conqueror

Many peoples (particularly men's) anger derives from unmet sexual desires.
Dump your unrewarding girlfriend or boyfriend in the glamorous setting of
your choice. Be the sole recipient of an anonymous beauty or studs affection,
amidst a bevy of other good looking or wealthy try-hards. Watch others
get scorned and rejected, whilst you get treated like a rock or film icon.

Our exorbitant fees actually include the cost of foreign travel, cocaine,
helicopter rides and sex workers.

6) Chair of Exposure

To fire you up and get you well and truly pissed off. A team member ties you
to a chair and invites others in to form what we call a "semi circle of mockery ".
Not a technique for the faint hearted. Feel your most sensitive buttons get
pushed into over drive, until you go off like a Christmas cracker.

This is an extremely powerful healing technique for passive aggressive people
who hide their frustrations under a veil of fake politeness.

7) Naked Animal

Perhaps our most simple and successful technique. After travelling the globe
to research tribal rituals and animal totems some of our staff discovered that
imitating an animal whilst naked can be immensely therapeutic. Using
subliminal hypnosis and/or mescaline the subject channels their rage via
the animal medium. Roar like a lion, charge like a grizzly, howl like a wolf,
shriek like a chimp or just run around our studio like a headless chook.
Rid your mind and body of stored angst, and transcend the social shackles
of western society.

These are just some of the core techniques we can use to help you and others
unlock and release anger in its purest form. Just as cocoa is essential in all good
chocolate, anger is a key ingredient in reaching your full potential.
Don't keep wandering and wondering how to transcend anger. Stop enrolling in
feel good courses where people smother each others primal fires with wet blanket
emotions and soapy sympathies.

Come down to our studios NOW for a free demonstration of how to ignite, embrace
then make peace with your own inferno.

dom cochran						11 september 2006

Reality TV

Out in the suburbs kids play with their toys, some with new
toys, but many with rusty, worn out toys. For some life seems
tougher as opportunity seems to pass by like an ice cream van.
The lucky lick their sweet treats, but many watch and shed
silent tears from behind closed windows, while the eerie sound of
success fades away.

Hungry legions grow up striving to achieve more than they were
told they could. They seek an escape and are keen to argue, all
trying to erase the question marks that dim their dreams.
Financial, physical, mental, social, racial, emotional and spiritual
question marks, all obstacles of their true self worth.

Certain crass barons who decree what is cool sometimes decide to
sell and promote a fickle, fizzy dream, luring many toward its sugary
spotlight. A ray of popularity injected in a rush of publicity. A fake
reward, a plastic trophy without blood, sweat or tears. A fleeting, short
lived fantasy like a line of powdery flattery.

Sadly the real line is longer than a lifetime as many wishful kids
hope their time will come. Eagerly they search for an easy open
door that leads to applause. Proof at last of their worth.

On reality TV, I see a playground of hungry hearts all singing

“pick me, pick me”.

philip muscatello					8 september 2006

For Brockie

A man flew up the mountain
His steering at full lock
He was a driver golden
His name was Peter Brock

His cars were pure muscle
Even though he drove a Holden
His four wheels drifts
around the bends were pure magic, golden

He provoked the road
The road fought back
That was the gist of
Germaine Greer's attack

And now he's flyin fast
Up a mountain to the top
St Peter holds a chequered flag
As Pete skids to a stop

His Torana gleams in silver light
But it don't impress the Lord
As Jehova lays some rubber
and says: "Mate, I drive a Ford"

FRUIT

Feets that fit in fettled fidget flux
Runs of rudiments in runcible roundabouts
Unintended unions of usual urgency
It itches icily in icky inches
Tell the toffs that tics are terrific

backshed productions

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